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Decades Later, One Cry Still Echoes

As the (not especially good) director of a caravan day camp in Northern Manitoba one summer, I made the decision to switch over our program entirely from a wilderness skills based camp to an arts camp, since there were a lot of forest fires and we weren’t able to continue with the hiking and campfire-building program that had been the basis of our success for a number of decades. To be fair (to myself), the forest fires were actually significant enough to strand us for a portion of a week, and the air and sky were a greyish-orange because of them.

I had written the first version of the song ‘One Cry Echoes’ while in Northern Manitoba, partly expressing a longing for relational connection, and partly reflecting my sense of the landscape around me.

A First Nations band near The Pas, Manitoba, had a talent night the weekend we were there, open to all. I decided that participating in the talent night was right up the alley of a group that wanted to engage with local communities and had a fresh focus as an arts program, so some of us went there. We got a friendly reception, and I sang my song. I didn’t win any prizes – which was only right, because there was a lot of talent there, and winning prizes wasn’t the point for us. But I was encouraged that one young man sought me out to tell me that he really appreciated my song. So if any of you folks wish that I would really just stop… well, blame him – because his encouragement was part of what kept me going.

Anyway, there was something about the way I paced my lyrics in the original that didn’t seem quite right. I tried changing the words, tried changing how I played the guitar, but nothing was ever quite satisfying. Years went by. Then finally, last year, I decided to try changing the melody and the whole musical structure of the song. Now, finally, it feels right to me. So I recorded it and put it out there.

That’s the story of “One Cry Echoes�, and why it lay dormant for decades.

Here are the lyrics;

One cry echo
across the waters of my soul

One cry echo
in the hollow that only I know

It’s a cry that often lingers
though it sometime disappear
It’s a cry that greets all strangers
and then hide when they come near

Sound like a loon I hear some evening
Come around like a tune a poor man sing
Sound like a loon I hear some evening
Come around like a tune a poor man sing

One cry echo
across the waters of my soul
One cry echo
I see the lake is getting low

One cry echo
across the waters of my soul
One cry echo
in the hollow that only I know

One cry echo
in the hollow that only I know

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My Secret Life As a Songwriter

In recent years, I have heard “I didn’t know that you sing!â€? from people in almost every context. Back in my college years, many – including me – may have thought music was the only thing I could sort of do. So how did music become my secret life?

I remember making up a simple little song in the sandbox when I was around 5 years old, excited about the pennies I found there. I remember the tune. When I was 7, I read a story that included words for a song – something about being a ‘Tumbling Tumbleweed’. I made up the melody, drew rough manuscript paper, and painstakingly wrote out the notes while sitting at the piano.

It’s not that I really strongly pursued music. Yes, I took piano lessons, and later voice lessons. I studied music theory in secondary school and college, auditioned for and joined choirs, sang in groups, eventually learned to play guitar. The only final exam I ever got 100% on was my grade 7 music theory exam. But I had many reasons for not getting serious about music.

My voice was too low to sing any of the popular music on the radio. I have asthma, and singing in smoky bars (back in that day, they were all smoky bars) might well have killed me. The songs I wrote were unusual, and would have been considered too weird by many. There were other things I wanted to do. Recording was expensive and difficult. I didn’t think I could make a living on music.

Despite the fact that I didn’t pursue music, I still wrote at least 3 songs every year. Sometimes they would tumble out all at once; sometimes I’d have an idea for a song and I worked at it. Even when I was working full time and family life got really busy, I would find ways to introduce music into what I did, and writing songs would feel therapeutic at very intense times or at times when I was underemployed – really, at any time.

Music has been good to me too. When I was in College, I developed a liking to an imaginative, attractive, and funny young lady. I wanted to let her know, but she was usually inseparable from her group of friends. There was a piano in a sitting and games room on campus, so I sat at that piano and improvised some music, hoping it would draw her over – and it worked. Although it took several more months before she agreed to go out with me, that was the beginning of that relationship. We’ve been married for more than 2 decades now.

In the meantime, things changed around me. Bars are not all smoky now – in fact, where I live, smoking is illegal in public buildings. The cost of recording is much lower, and the process is far more efficient with today’s technology. And, I don’t have to make a living by doing my music – I can treat my music as a serious hobby. My low voice and unusual lyrical styles only mean that I have a niche. People like Leonard Cohen, Tom Jones, and Johnny Cash have blazed a trail, too. The internet has made the publication and broad distribution of music of music easy, although not especially lucrative – but that’s okay with me.

So now, with over 100 sets of lyrics in my files, some complete and others just waiting for development, I am ready to make my life as a songwriter less of a secret. It doesn’t much matter to me if my music only appeals to a few – I don’t want it to sit dormant. I’ve already started putting it out there. I’m going to keep getting better, keep practicing, and keep recording music for publication and distribution. No more secrecy about my life as a songwriter.

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I Lie To You Sometimes; The Song

Truth. Trust. Fear. Vulnerability. Those are a tough mix to work with. That’s what ‘I Lie To You Sometimes’ is about.

The song is like a kind of confession – a partial confession. It isn’t a perfect expression of vulnerability and trust – in fact, it lays a bit too much of the onus for relationship on the other. But our confessions are seldom whole, and I for one am not always fully fearless and open about expressing the times when I am not ‘fine’. And really, the lies this song is talking about are those sorts of lies – the ‘little’ lies about being okay when in actual fact okay-ness is not quite settled. It’s about not having important and open conversations, and just letting the comfortable status quo rule the day, and then in the long run paying the price of feeling misunderstood and alone.

By the end of the song, the ‘voice’ of the song is starting to reach out, although not fully taking ownership of fault in the stagnation of the relationship and moving to full emotional honesty and availability. There’s still a kind of self-protective emotional blame game involved.

In real life we aren’t perfect. A song doesn’t have to reflect perfection and resolution. If a person is alive, a person is in process – and a song should reflect that reality. I feel that we have a tendency in our time to rush to a kind of false resolution, to not allow a real emotional process to occur. I may, for example, know how I ‘should’ feel, and therefore try to claim that ideal state of being instead of allowing my emotions to really get worked out. Our general sense of being ‘busy’ and wanting to be ‘efficient’ may work into this trap as well.

The difficulty with rushing to a false emotional resolution is that the real process can get undermined and go unconscious, so that I might in some ways act out the emotions that I still feel but am denying. That can’t be healthy – there has to be some middle ground. In being committed to honest relationships, we give ourselves – and our significant others – the opportunity to really go through those internal processes, and honestly arrive at real resolutions in a more natural timeline.

Here are my lyrics;

I lie to you sometimes
try to hide the things inside
try to slide atop the tide
yeah, and take you for a ride

Don’t want you looking at my soul
You might see that I’m not whole
Might find ashes, might find coal
where you thought you would find gold

I lie to you sometimes
– no looking at my soul!
I lie to you sometimes
I lie to you sometimes
…sometimes

I lie to you
try to hide the things insdie
try to slide atop the tide
yeah, and take you for a ride

It seems easier this way
seems like everything’s okay
and we talk about the weather
’cause there’s nothing else to say

Don’t get sad, and don’t get close
’cause that’s what I hate the most
makes me uneasy and morose
makes me take a double dose

Makes me deal with the pain
makes me have to start again
– does that mean things will get better
or will sunshine turn to rain?

I lie to you sometimes
– no looking at my soul!
I lie to you sometimes
I lie to you sometimes
… you know

I lie to you
please don’t believe the words I say
because the greatest price I pay
is when you smile and walk away

I lie to you sometimes
Please don’t believe the words I say
because the greatest price I pay

… is when you smile and walk away

(The chorus here is supposed to be like an emotional pivot point, at each repetition leading to a direction of greater self-awareness and taking some more ownership for honesty and a healthy relationship, even with risk)

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Heart Portal – 12 Years Old and Intense and Likes Poetry

These four lines were among those I wrote in one of my early attempts at songwriting, when I was 12 years old;

“Those eyes
are beautiful.

They’re all I see, sometimes,
when I look at you.

They cause me
to feel.

They move me softly,
they make me steel.”

To be honest, the poem/song wasn’t actually much longer than that. And the melody that went with those lines – simple, almost automatic, a bit stilted – is now part of the new version of the song I built around those lines.

I was a pretty intense 12 year old. I mean sure, that intensity came out in my love for floor hockey (I never did properly learn how to skate on ice – a source of some shame for a Canadian boy from Winnipeg). But I also really liked words. I read poetry, and every book I could get my hands on. Some nights I read the dictionary, and even took notes, trying to learn new words.

The line about how “the eyes are a window to the soul” made a lot of sense to me.

The intensity with which I felt my many conflicting emotions felt taboo to me somehow. Much of that was internal – I also felt a keen loyalty to logic, and the social attraction interactions of 12-year-olds made no sense to me at all. I wasn’t sure that emotions were even okay to have, never mind admit to. I unconsciously attributed this sense of taboo to coming from the faith community that I grew up in, but looking back I think it was more a matter of my own internal interpretations rather than dogma.

In one conversation I had as an older teenager at camp, I confessed to my desire to be a writer, but that I had some misgivings, since I felt that faith limited what I could write about. I don’t remember the name of the fellow I talked to, but I do remember what he said – or at least, what he meant. The gist of it was, that he saw spirituality as providing an expanded dimension for what a person could write about.
A person of faith (and I would now add, a person struggling with the notion of faith) could write about everything that anyone else could write about, and faith as well.

That conversation was part of my process of opening up and being more free to express myself, to consider all topics.

So this song, about feeling an intense attraction to another person, and the awkward and wonderful moment of getting caught up in that attraction, is part of belatedly setting my 12 year old conflicted self free to be expressive and less conflicted. As Wordsworth famously wrote in his poem ‘My Heart Leaps Up’- “The Child is father of the Man”.

Here are the rest of the lyrics of ‘Heart Portal’

Feels like I’m looking
through a window
deeply into you –

And I’m ashamed of how I stare,
but I don’t wanna
look away.

Some kind of power
is beginning
to flow.

Now we’re just standing there,
laser-locked
together.

Those eyes
are beautiful.

They all I see, sometimes,
when I look at you.

They cause me
to feel.

They move me softly;
they make me steel.

They penetrate.
They water-fall.

They massage my stiff heart until they hold it all.

Those eyes
are beauty
beauty
beauty-full.

They all I
they all I
they all I see.

They all I
they all I
they all I see.

… From there, it’s a matter of repetition.

The repetition itself functions in this song as a way to communicate the sense of being caught up in a moment, of not being able to get past the moment – of feeling entranced and having my mind captured by the beauty of the eyes I am looking into and by extension, the essence of the person that I feel drawn to as well.

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For Unseen Work; Get Going Mantra

Significant challenges in life deserve their own music. Universally, societies have included music in their ritual, to help emotionally prepare entire groups of people for journeys, battles, and initiations.

We live in a more individually focused time, and much of the work is done behind the scenes. Whether it’s teachers doing their planning, athletes working out, conscientious people exercising to stay fit so they can more effectively help and provide an example to their families, scientists doing research, or songwriters and writers honing their craft, a lot of work gets done that nobody sees and which is not evident until the results become public in some way.

My song ‘Get Going Mantra’ is the one I wrote to recognize that unseen work, and to help myself prepare emotionally to do those lonely tasks. Its purpose is not complicated, so the lyrics aren’t either. It just says what it needs to say, at a decent tempo, in a positive way. I was aiming, too, to use a metaphor that is relevant to me – living in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, I see the mountains in the distance almost every day, and travel out to them multiple times a year to hike and experience the natural world. Military and battle metaphors are not part of my life, and I want to contribute peace-time related metaphors because I believe it would be better to decrease the level of conflict-related thinking in our mindsets generally, so I’d rather sing about making it through particular challenges than about conquest.

Here are the lyrics;

To get to the top of the mountain – gonna have to climb.
Gonna take determination, gonna take some time. (2x)

Nobody will see me,
no one will cheer.
Maybe nobody
even know I’m here. (2x)

I know what I have to do. (2x)

Gotta get up and go! (4x)

——————————

The whole song gets repeated a second time.

I hope that others will find this song useful as a motivator too. Either way, it’s true for most of us at some point that “I know what I have to do,” and that at some point the difficult thing is just to “get up and go.” All the best in taking up your own personal goals and challenges toward personal fulfillment and contributing to the lives of those you love!

The song is available on Spotify, Amazon, iTunes, Google Play, Apple Music, and Tidal so far. I use my own name, Art Koop, as my artist/songwriter name.

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Lyrics for ‘Perfectly Happy (Wedding Song)’

Gave the whole story of the song last blog post, but forgot to post the lyrics. Oops! So here they are.

PERFECTLY HAPPY (WEDDING SONG)

I’ve been called particular,
Although I often laugh.
It’s true that I know what I want,
And most don’t know the half.

You caught on pretty fast-
I must admit that I’m impressed.
The state of this union
Will surely be blessed, because I’m…

Perfectly happy,
perfectly happy, ooh –
perfectly happy with you.
Yes I’m perfectly happy,
perfectly happy,
perfectly happy with you.

I know precisely
You are the one for me
And I can say exactly
That where you are’s where I want to be.

I’ve given this some careful thought
To conclude that I love you a lot.
So let’s pick out a special day,
And then we’ll find a spot… because I’m…

Perfectly happy,
Perfectly happy,
Perfectly happy with you.
Perfectly happy,
Perfectly happy,
Perfectly happy with you.

This could change the way I’ll be addressed,
Yes the…
State of this union will surely be blessed.
Whatever circumstance we may go though,
I am perfectly happy with you.

Yes I’m… perfectly happy with you,
Perfectly happy with you,
Perfectly happy, perfectly happy,
Perfectly happy with you.

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